I'm depressed. And that's not a thing that is new to me, but it feels different this time. I'm lonely, and I'm scared. I'm scared of losing myself and who I am. I'm scared of being abandoned again. I'm scared that I will never be able to have a normal relationship. I miss my mother, […]
My brain won't shut off today. It actually hasn't shut off for the past few weeks. It can be maddening. My last post was filled with anger. This one will be filled with worry. When my brain tells me things that I can't shake , it wears me down. And no matter how many times […]
As a writer you get told to write what you know. Here's what I know. I'm pissed. I'm beyond pissed. My best friend has told me that my life has been an experiment in terror. And hes right. And I know that a lot of people have had it worse than me. But that doesn't […]
I was born in Florida on April 18th 1976. Jacksonville, Florida to be exact but Pinetta is the place I hold close to my heart. PInetta is this little small town right on the edge of Florida and Georgia, near Valdosta. Pinetta is a beautiful little country town with its dirt roads , pecan trees, […]
I've been trying to figure out what to write for a little over a week now. Writers block is no joke. But after visiting with my best friend this past weekend and also getting to see my oldest friend and one of my daughters, it came to me. Something that people with BPD do is […]
   It's raining and it's my usual favorite type of day. The rain relaxes me and keeps me calm, even if it's a thunderstorm. I also do some of my best sleeping during a thunderstorm. I'm thinking about my children today and my grandbabies. I miss them. I have moved two hours away from one and […]
So I’m feeling a bit down today. The love of my life is still in the gray place. Not in the dark place which is good, but not in the white place either. And I know it's just a symptom of my BPD and I have to keep asking myself if this is real, but […]
So I’m watching Stella, the movie with Bette Midler. If you haven't seen it, you should. And there is this whole scene where she has a baby and when she wakes up, the nurse asks her if she wants to see her baby. Stella is this hard type of woman who grew up on the […]
You may be thinking that my website has an interesting name. I chose it for a couple of reasons. I'm sure we all have seen Forrest Gump at some time in our life. I always loved and hated (for obvious reasons) the scene where Jenny throws rocks at her childhood home. As a child, she […]
My name is Bonnie, and I have borderline personality disorder. If you don't know what this is, allow me to elaborate. Borderline personality disorder is a mental disorder characterized by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships. Symptoms can include emotional instability, feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, impulsivity, and impaired social relationships. To get more in-depth with this […]
